Wednesday, August 25, 2010

performance anxiety

I have total performance anxiety over this cycle. Anxiety may be a strong word because I really haven't been feeling all that anxious, except when I meet up with Dr. Talks Too Much at the place where I am monitoring. I tend to be a perfectionist and I like to do well at the things I attempt. I was an overachiever all throughout high school and sometimes that still comes out. Like when I am doing an IVF cycle. Because of my age I put all this pressure on myself to have a bunch of eggs for a bunch of embryos. And those eggs better be of top notch quality, too. I had an antral count of 27 for this cycle and right now it looks like I have 11-13 nice looking eggs all developing at the same rate. I wish there were more, but the clinic I am going to only wants 10-12 eggs so that I don't overstimulate and so that they are of decent quality. This is a hard concept for me. I want to be the best egg maker around. And while it appears that I'm not the best, the clinic assured me that I'm not the worst either. The nurse who called with my instructions told me that everything is developing as it should and that I have a decent number of follicles. I may not be number one, but at least I'm doing okay!

Speaking of IVF cycles, I have given myself 46 shots so far. I will definitely get past the 100 mark once we do the retrieval and start the progesterone shots. Anyways, our current clinic does things a lot differently than our old one and I like that. They seem to really analyze my file and call me with a specific plan. They aren't just putting me on a set dose and leaving me there for days on end. When it seemed like my follicles may need a little boost they bumped me up to 450, but then brought me down to 375 the next evening. My last clinic freaked out that I didn't have enough follicles and ending up putting me on 450 for 8 days and I ended up with follicles that were uneven in size. So even though they were able to retrieve 17 eggs, only 7 were mature, which was maddening!! Hopefully I'll have a different story for this cycle. My e2 today was 765. My clinic is hoping for a Sunday retrieval but told me we have to wait until Friday to see how things look. If not, we'll have it Monday. It's so close I cannot even believe it!!

This IVF cycle has just flown by and I think that's largely due to my laid back attitude. I've done this before and I survived, so that fact is letting me relax. Let's hope that this optimistic, laid back attitude has a *positive* impact on our outcome!

12 comments:

  1. I tried to keep track of needles during my cycle, but finally gave up, LOL. And my docs had to continually reassure me that fewer eggs of higher quality was better than tons of eggs but not great quality. Can't believe retrieval is so close!! I can't wait to hear results!!

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  2. that is so funny about perfectionistic IVF!!! LOL. I think the more is not always the better. My first IVF cycle I got the most eggs and the quality all sucked. Quality over quantity all the way. I am glad that they are so closely monitoring you and changing doses as needed. Your attitude is amazing and I hope you continue to fly through the rest of this cycle. We are here for you through it all!!!! Fingers and toes crossed !!!!!

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  3. Sounds like things are going really well! It is good to hear that you are happier with this cycle and the way this dr. monitors your progress. Whether it is Sunday or Monday, Best Wishes for your retrieval!!!

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  4. OMG you sound like me exactly! Always the overachiever and always wanting everything to be perfect! Unfortunately it doesn't always go that way but it doesn't stop us from trying! Haha. It sounds like things are going smoothly for you, all the best for egg collection and great fertilisation results!

    ICLW#10

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  5. Hold on to that laid back attitude as much as you can!

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  6. Keeping my fingers crossed for you and wishing you all the luck in the world!

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  7. How exciting! This cycle has flow by for you! Can't wait to hear your results!

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  8. Yay for you! I love your laidback attitude - I think its truly helping. :) Your clinic sounds awesome and the you inspire me with your 46 shots. I had my first last night and was terrified! Hopefully that will only get easier for me to handle as we continue this journey! Good luck on Sunday or Monday - I'll be thinking about you!!

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  9. Wishing you luck with this cycle. I think you are doing great and I understand about wanting as many eggs as you can possibly make... but it is true what they say - quality over quantity. It's a numbers game as much as it's all about the "health" of your embryos.
    Hang in there...

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  10. Wow! 17 and only 7 were mature! That IS madness! I wish you all the luck in the world on this cycle!! Don't be too hard on yourself! You're not the Easter Bunny! I will check back in on you to see how you make out! Happy ICLW & thanks for stopping by my blog!! (#119 & 120)

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  11. Wishing you all the best for this cycle, I hope it meets your expectations! I'm also a big believer in a laid back attitude. I think it helps me to bounce back from dissapointment easier. Happy ICLW. Kim

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  12. So close!!! Praying you get a BFM from this cycle! thanks for stopping by my blog!

    Happy ICLW!
    #171

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