Saturday, September 24, 2011

changes are coming!!

**Before I get started, I want to say that if you know me in real life, please do not post about this on FB or mention this to any of my family members as I want to be able to share the final outcome when the time is right...**

Now that I have you all sufficiently scared/interested, I have to say that this week was a big one in our house. And it has absolutely nothing to do with Piper or adding any new babies to the mix (although, I am still wondering where AF is...).

The big news is that it is very likely that we will be making a big move in the near future. For a few months now, MBL has known that the international side of the business where he works was interested in bringing him on board. They had discussed potential job opportunities with him back in July, but he was told that the money for those positions was not approved and so it was unlikely anything would happen until next July (when the new fiscal year begins). So, when MBL was called into a meeting with two of the head honchos from international on Friday, he thought nothing of it. And then they told him that they want him on board. Now. When MBL asked about the timeline for this position, like when it would start, the response was, "Tomorrow?". No, they do not actually expect us to be able to make such a huge transition quickly, but it is clear that they want MBL as soon as possible.

Why does this job opportunity mean big change for our family? Because this means that we will be making a big move...

Option #1

Option #2

Basically, MBL is on his fourth trip to the Nether.lands in the last year and that is where most of the work for his new role would be focused. This does not mean that we as a family have to move there, but it would certainly be convenient for his new job. He was told that, at first, it will be crucial for him to have a presence there. The head of international did not move there, but said that he basically spent a whole month there when he first started work. I do not think I would do well with MBL gone for a whole month, especially since we live so far away from family (well, not really far away, but not down the road either).

If we do not move our family there, then we will definitely be moving from our current location to be near my parents. If MBL is going to be gone abroad several times a month, then I will need the support of my family to make it through. Right now we live out in the country and it's just not possible for me to maintain the house/housework, work part time, and raise Piper. And while I am resigned to having dirty floors in exchange for precious play time with my daughter, living here in the winter without MBL around to clear our driveway is just not reasonable. Plus, I get lonely when he is gone and it would be so nice to have my parents near by. So, if we decide to stay here in the states, then we would likely move to the Chi.cago area.

As you can see, no matter what we are faced with a huge life change ahead of us. MBL and I basically spent most of yesterday in silent shock over the reality of what this means for our family. On one hand, this is exciting! MBL is basically being offered a significant promotion and this job offer shows us just how much his company values his work. It would be a great career move for him and a new adventure for us. We both love to travel and would be thrilled to instill that love in Piper at such a young age. At the same time, we are terrified. I have lived in this area since I started college 8 years ago and MBL has lived here for 10 years. That's a long time! As much as I hate the winter, I've grown to enjoy our small city. I know where the farmer's market is, I recently joined a mommy group, and I have fantastic friends. I am comfortable here. But, I do not think it would be appropriate to allow our fear of the unknown to drive our decision.

As I was laying in bed last night, still trying to process it all, a compromise of sorts came to mind. We may decide to move to The Neth.erlands for a short(er) amount of time and then move to Chic.ago. That way, MBL could get to know the staff in the Nether.lands and be available locally during his transition into his new role, but we wouldn't have to commit to permanently living there. After six months or so, we could move to Chic.ago and then MBL would travel there when he was needed. It is likely that he would travel a week or so every 4-6 weeks, but if we kept our home "base" in the US, then we wouldn't have to worry about making family travel internationally to visit us. Plus, I really don't want Piper's grandparents/aunts/uncles to miss out on the first two years of her life! But, as of right now, no decisions have been made... We're still trying to process it all!

So, there it is, our big news. I'm all at once excited and scared out of my mind about this new chapter in our journey!

Monday, September 19, 2011

everything that comes to mind...

Sorry for the lack of blog posts. Our busyness has continued into the early fall. My baby sister got married the weekend after Labor Day and because of that we spent four day in Chi.cago. Piper was the flower girl. MBL escorted her down the aisle and it was absolutely precious. We had a blast and when it was time to pack up, we could not believe we had been there for four days! One of the things that has been keeping me from posting here is the fact that I keep thinking of too many things to blog about... So, I am going to make this a bullet point post, that way it won't seem so strange that my topics aren't interrelated.

•I am still pumping. Still doing it three times a day and still only making around 7oz. I actually don’t mind it that much, but if I haven’t gotten PPAF (post partum aunt flow) by the time Piper is six months old, I will stop. The reason for that is that we want to TTC as soon as we can and take advantage of the supposed post-pregnancy fertile time and if I haven’t gotten PPAF by that time, I will need to stop pumping in order to get her to come back.
•Speaking of TTC #2, I’m already worried about how long it will take and if we will even be successful. It’s so silly to worry about it before we even begin, but that doesn’t stop by from doing it! I just want to be able to get pregnant the “easy” way. I don’t want to have to go through all the meds and money again. I know it’s selfish, but I don’t want to try clo.mid again… I’ve just gotten back into running and I can’t do that if I’m on fertility meds. I also do not want multiples… I know that my chances are low on clo.mid and I would surely be happy with whatever success we achieved, but twins would be a lot.
•MBL and I would really love to have 3 kids and I really hate that because we have fertility problems I can’t just assume that we’ll be able to achieve that. We kind of decided that if we need IVF for #2 that’s all we’ll have, but I wonder if I’ll really be able to give up our dream of having three children. Would we try IVF again to get #3? Would I always regret it if I didn’t? IF still sucks.
•I will say, though, that IF has made me really grateful for the gift I have been given. Every day of being a mom isn’t easy, but I really love it and whenever something stressful/disgusting happens I try to think, “I’d rather ¬_____ and have Piper than not have ¬¬¬¬___ and no Piper." For example, the other week Piper pooped all over herself and me. FUN! And while I was mildly grossed out, all I could think is, “I would rather have poop all over me and have Piper than not have poop on me and not have Piper.” All the time I think of those of you who are still waiting… Waiting on adoption papers, waiting to begin IF treatments, or waiting for your BFP (for #1, #2, or whatever number you want!). I am so thankful that I have Piper. It doesn’t erase all the pain of infertility, but it certainly eases it. And because I am aware of the pain of IF, I am thankful every day that I get to be a mom.
•All right, I have to go wake Piper up from her 3.5 hour nap… Poor little pumpkin has her first cold!

Friday, September 2, 2011

a different kind of anniversary...

Today is a different kind of anniversary... One year ago today Piper was one of three embryos that we transferred! When we got the call three days after retrieval that we were going to have a three day transfer, we were crushed. Our RE prided himself on 5 day transfers and so we figured our embies were no good. But, we decided to go into it with as much optimism as our other treatments. Afterall, I had read plenty of successful three day embryo transfer stories. When I was handed the picture of our three embryos, my heart sank a bit. They looked nothing like the perfect pictures of embryos I had seen online or on our RE's website. When we asked our nurse about our embryos, she said that there was nothing wrong with them, they were just what MBL and I created together. She went on to say that they transferred perfect 5 day blasts all the time that turned into BFNs and "ugly" embies that became beautiful babies. I was too embarassed to post this a year ago, but here is the picture of our three embryos:

Those of you who have googled "three day embryos", know that those are not textbook embies... But, you know what? One of those turned into this little girl:

I can't believe how lucky we got. I also can't believe that it was just a year ago that MBL started giving me nightly PIO shots. It seems like it was forever ago... And now instead of those nightly shots, we spend our evenings feeding and playing with our IVF miracle.

And, now, knowing the joy that being a parent is, we are anxious to add to our family. I'm sure other people would think we are crazy, but we are being hopeful infertiles and praying that it doesn't take 21 months, 2 IVFs, and a bunch of $$$ to get #2... And don't even get me started on our hoping for #3...