Tuesday, June 19, 2012

the tipping point

Have you ever read the Mal.colm Gladw.ell book called "The Tipping Point"? I was actually reading it on my first date with MBL. I was reading it while waiting for him to (FINALLY) show up. Basically, it's about how trends start or how change occurs.

I think I've reached the tipping point on our journey to #2. This happened when we were trying for #1 as well. I got to the point where I didn't want to "just" try anymore. I didn't want to try things that might help us get pregnant, I was ready for the big guns. In getting pregnant with Piper that meant going with shared risk IVF at a well rated clinic. I realized I was at this point for baby #2 during my long run on Saturday. Granted, we've already done IVF #3 at the well rated clinic that got us pregnant with Piper and it failed, so there's that.

I am SOOOO ready for baby #2. I'm ready to be pregnant with another precious little one. I tell MBL every day how I want another baby. He keeps saying, "I know" and "We're going to have another one." It's sweet of him to put up with me.

So, what are our next steps now that we already have one failed IVF under our belts? I have an appointment with a Reproductive Immu.nologist on July 5th in Chi.cago. It'll be interesting to see if she finds anything. She'll run blood tests and do an extensive ultrasound. Then, we have a phone consult with the REALLY big guns, CC.RM, on July 23rd. I'm excited to see what they have to say and if they would have done anything differently with our last cycle. I'm also curious as to whether they see any other underlying fertility issues. Like, do I have diminishing ovarian reserve? Why do I have a below average number of mature eggs to eggs retrieved?

We may go with CC.RM if we can afford it. Or, we may go back to our clinic in Chicag.o. The hard thing is that if I am not pregnant by the end of August/early September, our kids will be more than two years/24 months apart and that kind of bums me out. No, it's not the end of the world and I am so lucky to have Piper, but I really wanted to have my kids close together.

Here's hoping we are on the verge of our BFP!

Friday, June 15, 2012

a tangent...

I keep thinking of posts to write on my runs, but fail at putting them down. So, here is a tangent for you :). 1. Some days I really REALLY hate my job. I am fairly certain that I have one of the most thankless jobs on the planet. Basically I get yelled at for things over which I have no control and the higher ups show no concern for the beatdown I get on a (near) daily basis. It pretty much sucks. BUT, the hours, although quite early, aren't that bad. I go in around 6:30 and get to leave around 3:00. I still feel like I get a lot of time with Piper and MBL in the evening. 2. I'm back to diligently running several times a week. I have signed up for this race: I am following Hal Hig.don's half marathon training plan and so far it is going well. I do three shorter runs during the week, ranging from 3-5 miles long, and then one long run on Saturdays. I'm also supposed to do a day of cross training, but I've only succeeded at that once. What I've been doing is packing my running gear in the morning and then skipping lunch and heading out to run from work. Then, when I get home, I am able to totally focus on my family! 3. I would love to lose at least 10 pounds. I have been running since Piper was 7 weeks and counting points, but I've only lost 6 pounds. I know that if I lost that weight, I wouldn't feel like I was dying when I run and I would feel better about getting pregnant (meaning I would have lost some of my infertility/IVF weight). I'm going to try out a new way of tracking my eating habits by using my fit.ness pa.l instead of just doing the Wei.ght Wat.chers points system. I'm hoping that counting calories will help make the scale move! 4. I started following some running blogs and it's nice to spend some of my time focusing on my physical health rather than just my struggle with infertility. It's funny because I'm really enjoying getting back into shape, but I still really want to get pregnant. I have a blog post ready to talk about our family building plans. 5. I've been looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow ALL WEEK. As much as I am thankful for getting off early in the afternoon, the early wake up call is not my favorite. But, tomorrow is supposed to be 90*. And I'm scheduled to run 9 miles. I cannot run 9 miles in that heat. So, I will have to get up early on my day off in order to run NINE MILES. Oh boy. I promise to not go two weeks in between updates again. Things have just been really crazy and I'm finally getting back into my groove. How are you all? Anybody else out there infertile and a runner? How are you all enjoying your summer?

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

that wasn't it...

Two weeks ago, I thought we hit rock bottom, I was fairly certain that things wouldn't get worse. It was reassuring to think that the only way to go was up. But, I was wrong. That wasn't bottom, that wasn't as bad as things could get. Last Tuesday, while I was at a friend's house, MBL broke the news from me that his job let him go. I cried so hard that when I called my mom she freaked out thinking someone was seriously injured. I cried and cried and cried. And then I went to get my hair done and drank wine and felt (somewhat) better. I then dove headfirst into job searching for MBL and figuring out how we are going to make this work. I make a pittance. To put it into perspective, MBL provided 75% of our income. So, this is a BIG deal. MBL did NOT deserve to be let go. He had been with the company for 12 years and had absolutely no record of bad behavior. He dedicated a lot of time and energy to making sure the systems and processes they used were in the best interest of the company. He seriously put his everything into that job and, in the end, they treated him like total crap. I'm pretty bitter about the whole situation, but that's not really going to fix things. In the wake of this, I did what any rational infertile would do and googled the top 50 most fertility friendly companies. I then gave MBL a list of companies that are hiring in his field that cover infertility treatment. The truth is, he should be able to find a new job without much difficulty. Any company would be lucky to have him, and I'm not just saying that as his wife. He seriously could go into any workplace and fix the way they do things. He is able to look at programs and systems and figure out how to make them better. He is really talented. The hard part now is convincing MBL of that. This has been a really hard adjustment for him. He is heartbroken by what happened. In a time when he needed their support the most, they turned a cold shoulder on him. The company claims to be family focused, but, obviously, when it comes to caring for their employees, they really aren't. We have about eight weeks for MBL to get his act together before we need to really panic. I'm not going to let MBL take that long. I want him to submit resumes this week. With how much experience he has, I am certain that he will get interviews for most of the jobs for which he applies. He just needs to get focused on getting them out! (can you tell I want it done now?) In the meantime, I am going to try and not pull all my hair out and just hope that something REALLY good is just around the corner... Surprise, natural triplets anyone ;)? And a free minivan? Please?