Wednesday, August 11, 2010

My out of the closet husband and a tantrum.

I am wholly impressed with MBL. He is apparently totally out of the infertility closet at work. He has told more than one person what we are going through and has even had the chance to hear other people's stories. MBL has not told these people the exact reason of our infertility; that we are suffering from male factor. I think in some ways it is hard on him that it's him. He and I don't really talk about why we are infertile, it is somewhat irrelevant to me. We are married and he is who I want to have babies with, so whether or not it's him or me we have a problem with which we have to deal. Anyways, as I said, MBL has had the opportunity to hear other people's stories of infertility because he is so open and honest about our struggle. We found out one of his good work buddies used IVF for all four of his kiddos (and four is the number we are going for, too!). Earlier this week he found out one of his coworkers went through recurrent pregnancy/infant loss...after having two kids, they had a miscarriage at 20 weeks, and then lost two babies after they were born. I cannot believe that someone MBL has worked with for 10 years has gone down such a tough road himself. It is so amazing to me that our story is allowing others to share theirs. I am touched that my husband is able to connect with the men in his office in such a personal way. Maybe that's cheesy, but I'm really impressed with my husband's honesty and his coworkers willingness to listen and share their own journeys.

The second part of this post is about my complete lack of maturity or self control. I am on cycle day 34. I am 3 days late. No, I am not pregnant. I am a raging lunatic. Lup.ron will do that to you. Especially when you've been on it for 15 days with no hint of AF's much anticipated arrival. I nearly lost it last night in rush hour "traffic" (I use that term loosely as I live in an area where "traffic" does not appropriately describe the slight increase in transportation volume between 5:00 and 6:00). Anyways, this morning I completely lost it. I had the most fantastic tantrum my husband has seen in 28 years. And it all occurred at 6am. I got up for my morning hoping that I would discover that AF had arrived overnight. Nope. Then my hair wouldn't do what I wanted it to do. So, I threw my bobby pins across the bathroom, stomped my foot, and yelled out a few profanities. My husband was not impressed and, looking back, neither am I. But the amount of anger I feel over my delayed AF and the build up of lup.ron in my system has taken the sane girl out of me and replaced it with someone who is bat s*** crazy. I called the clinic this afternoon and insisted on having my blood test and ultrasound done tomorrow, they insisted on having blood drawn for an HCG test as well. So, I guess I will know more of what may or may not happen this cycle after that appointment. Please, o, please AF... PLEASE arrive tonight or tomorrow morning!!


  1. Lupron is the devil!! I hope AF shows very soon, too, hon.

    As for being out of the closet, it totally opens up other people to talk as is kind of amazing.

  2. Ugh, lupron how I hate you. I hope AF arrives soon and that you start to feel better too.
    It is amazing that your husband can be so open and that he is getting scu postive responses. My husband is more open these days as well, it seems that everyone he knows is aware of our issues. In a way, I kind of like it b.c it shows me how important this issue is to him too.

  3. I'm so sorry! I totally get how frustrating it all can be. Here's sending you AF vibes, mine did show up, in dramatic fashion of course, last night. Day 14 of the 2 week Prometrium wait. But my RE says he can't be sure its really my true menses since it started last night and is very light. Oy! We all deserve a freak out now and then! Sending hugs & prayers!

  4. Hi, I'm an early visitor from ICLW. Hope that AF has turned up by now. Congrats on your hubs for coming out of the closet. My husband and I are super-secretive, as the few people we have not been very supportive. I am glad that your husband works with such amazing people with such astonishing stories.

  5. It takes a lot of strength to be open about our struggles. Your husband sounds like a pretty impressive guy! Lots of luck to you this next cycle!