almost? kind of?

I've been mulling over this post for a while, not sure if I even wanted to write it. I guess I've been struggling with what to write and even how I feel about everything. Last week was weird. Way weird and I'm glad it's over. I guess it's time to just talk about it. At 9dpo I took a FRER to see the status of my trigger and it was a stark white negative. I took another one in the morning on 10dpo, another negative. BUT, I was "feeling" pregnant. My ute felt full and I just kind of felt a little weird. So, I tested again on the evening of 10dpo (the same time I got my BFP for Piper) and I saw a line? It was there, but not very dark. I decided to test again in the morning and I was pleasantly surprised by a line! It was light, but came up right away and even MBL saw it. I decided to hold back on my heavy training for the 25k and wait it out. I tested again that evening and the line was still there, but not as dark. To make a long story short, by Sunday (13dpo) the line had vanished and I just knew that AF was on her way. I had two days of lines and then it was over. And, it just so happened that during this time one of my very dearest college friends called me in hysterics because on her first month off birth control, she got pregnant.

So, as you can see, it was all very weird. Two (long) days of wondering if the line was going to turn into something more and feeling like I was kind of pregnant, but not really. So, does that make it an almost? And then talking with a friend who was happy, but quite shocked to be pregnant so fast. I was honored that she called me first (before her sisters or her husband), but it was weird to be so excited for her and, yet, so confused for myself. After lots of time spent thinking about it, I decided I was thankful for the confusion brought on my those light, pink lines. I'm assuming that what I experienced was a chemical and that means that egg and sp.erm actually met. With only 1.5 million swimmers and nothing else, it's pretty impressive that anything happened. The last time I had a chemical (july 2010), we got pregnant on our next cycle via IVF, so I'm hoping we'll have the same luck this time. Only, this time, we will be going for IUI with clo.mid plus injects and doing plenty of BDing in the meantime. This is our last cycle with our local RE before we head into IVF in April/May. I would LOVE to avoid having to fork over $10,000 for IVF and instead get pregnant from a $700 IUI. A girl can dream, right?

Today is cycle day 3 and I started my clo.mid (100mg). On day 7 I will begin injects and we will likely be ready for IUI between the 11th-13th. The good news is that at my baseline ultrasound my antral count was 21! No, not all of those follicles will develop, but 21 is WAY better than the 11 my other RE saw in December. I'm hoping for 3-5 follicles by day 11. And I just hope that MBL has a stellar count to accompany all those targets :)! I guess we'll find out soon enough!