Saturday, June 26, 2010

I've lost my groove

So, I've mentioned it here before that I love running. I picked it up five years ago (back when I was a chubby college sophomore) and I've been addicted ever since. Well, scratch that, I was addicted up until I started on our long journey with assisted reproduction. I was on Clo.mid from May to September last year and my RE suggested that I stop running during my cycles because of the ovarian swelling. So, I ran my last real run last July. In October I had my laparoscopy and then we started our IVF cycle in November. January through April were filled with self loathing and doubt and a little bit of exercise (mostly kick boxing and walking). Then we started back up with the joyous fertility meds again in May and here we are today. I used to track points and/or calories, but I've noticed that I'm not able to lose very much weight (and by that I mean, I end up losing only a pound or two) just doing that, and I do tend to really stick to the plan, so I know it's not because I'm overeating.

Anyways, all that to say, that I miss working out. I really do. I miss tracking what I eat and working out to help my progress along. I also just feel better when I'm able to do those things. I feel better about myself and I just am able to go about my day better. I feel more motivated and more energized and just like I've accomplished things. And, I truly love feeling like I have to get on the treadmill or get out for a run, I love the responsibility I feel towards exercise when I'm in a good groove. I also love pounding out the miles and getting all sweaty and out of breath. I really, truly do love that. And, I hate the infertility has made me so afraid of doing things. I'm pretty sure I'm "allowed" to run about starting at three days past ovulation, but I get scared that I'll "knock the baby off." And these fears also stem to other things, I don't like to lift anything during the two week wait. MBL and I have a lot of painting/other projects to do around the house, but I don't want to expose myself to paint fumes or overexert myself. When I type it out it seems silly, but it is partially due to the fact that I don't want to get another BFN and wonder if it was due to me doing any of the above. Does anyone else have these fears???


  1. I love running too. I am newer to it than you are, but have found that it relieves my stress and helps me to feel strong. My training get interuprted often for treatments and I find myself re-starting often, meaning that after a cycle I go back to slower runs of shorter distance and then build from there. In the end, this means that I am often starting and stopping but I figure something is better than nothing. can you run when you are not doing treatments? I just re-started again, but was able to do 4.5 miles this morning, felt so good!!!

  2. O yes, I can relate! I stop gong to the gym around day 10 of each cycle and then I only go back when I get a BFN. I'm also scared of lifting heavy things, I'm scared that certain foods or drinks are bad so I cut that out completely too, I don't want to get around smokers because I read once that second hand smoke can cause very early miscarriages, the list goes on and on...

  3. YES... I need to work out big time... but yeah - don't know what to do. Especially now with a history of miscarriage I don't know what is safe! But I can't stand just sitting here feeling myself get fat (especially if it is for no reason but eating too much and not moving enough). Hah!