So, I've mentioned it here before that I love running. I picked it up five years ago (back when I was a chubby college sophomore) and I've been addicted ever since. Well, scratch that, I was addicted up until I started on our long journey with assisted reproduction. I was on Clo.mid from May to September last year and my RE suggested that I stop running during my cycles because of the ovarian swelling. So, I ran my last real run last July. In October I had my laparoscopy and then we started our IVF cycle in November. January through April were filled with self loathing and doubt and a little bit of exercise (mostly kick boxing and walking). Then we started back up with the joyous fertility meds again in May and here we are today. I used to track points and/or calories, but I've noticed that I'm not able to lose very much weight (and by that I mean, I end up losing only a pound or two) just doing that, and I do tend to really stick to the plan, so I know it's not because I'm overeating.
Anyways, all that to say, that I miss working out. I really do. I miss tracking what I eat and working out to help my progress along. I also just feel better when I'm able to do those things. I feel better about myself and I just am able to go about my day better. I feel more motivated and more energized and just like I've accomplished things. And, I truly love feeling like I have to get on the treadmill or get out for a run, I love the responsibility I feel towards exercise when I'm in a good groove. I also love pounding out the miles and getting all sweaty and out of breath. I really, truly do love that. And, I hate the infertility has made me so afraid of doing things. I'm pretty sure I'm "allowed" to run about starting at three days past ovulation, but I get scared that I'll "knock the baby off." And these fears also stem to other things, I don't like to lift anything during the two week wait. MBL and I have a lot of painting/other projects to do around the house, but I don't want to expose myself to paint fumes or overexert myself. When I type it out it seems silly, but it is partially due to the fact that I don't want to get another BFN and wonder if it was due to me doing any of the above. Does anyone else have these fears???