Monday, May 3, 2010

just a bit.

Of progress that is. I did not end up coming out to my small group last Wednesday. The timing just wasn't right. I didn't want to just blurt it out in the middle of our game playing and a good segue just never occurred. At some point I will come out, though. The longer it takes us, the more I realize that this is no fault of our own and therefore I should not feel any shame over our current situation. One of the reasons I do not want to share it with that group just yet is because I'm not ready to answer to, "any news?" for the next few months. But I am positive I will tell them; at some point.

I did make a bit of progress this weekend. MBL and I spent the weekend volunteering and attending a marriage conference. We were quite excited to spend the weekend away and devote time to just us. Well, two of the ten sessions were directed towards parenting and how to balance one's marriage with one's children. I decided that I could not attend either session. While the existence of these sessions does not bother me, attending them would have likely caused the bitterness inside of me to grow. And bitterness is not becoming (on me, at least). So, I decided not to attend. It was a bit tricky to avoid these sessions while I was volunteering, but it worked out all right. Then after the conference was over, MBL and I were speaking with the other two volunteers and the Volunteer Coordinator about how some people seem to be able to avoid pain and hard times, while others get slammed. One volunteer mentioned the passing of her father and her husband and how those two events shook her faith and her sense of security in life. I then mentioned that I lost my job last year and shortly after found out that MBL and I would have difficulty conceiving. The Volunteer Coordinator hugged me and said, "Aw, sweetie, we were married six and a half years before we had our son and I never thought it would happen." She had the sweetest southern accent and that made her story all the more encouraging. I shared our situation without fear or shame and without getting nervous! See? Progress!!

And now I know that it sure does feel good to get out of the closet every once in a while :).


  1. I'm so glad that you took that step and that she was understanding. It always shocks me at just how common IF is, yet no one is willing to talk about it.

  2. Good for your for sharing. It does help, I swear. Especially if you are comfortable with the person/people. As for not attending those sessions, I agree and understand completely. I went to a KY Derby Party with my hubby on Saturday with a big group of friends. I was excited to relax and not think about IF for an afternoon...then a guest arrived who was friends of a friend type thing and she was visibly pregnant. While happy for her and her blessing, it was hard to be there and around her. Just made me think about what we were missing out on right now. Le sigh.

  3. One step at a time. Good for you! More people than we realize are hiding in the closet, too.