That's how I feel. I feel like I have been punched in the gut. Nothing specific, per se, happened, it's just the culmination of a bunch of events/news that has left me feeling...well, left out. And scared. And self doubting. And angry.
When I was on Clo.mid in February I also experienced these gut wrenching emotions. I cannot remember another time that I cried that hard. I was trying to explain to MBL that while the meds certainly make me communicate my emotions more, I don't think that they necessarily cause these scary/sad thoughts that run through my mind. I think the meds just bring to the surface the feelings that are always there. I just manage to suppress them during other times (I think). Well, last night was definitely an emotional release for me, sadly it caused me to toss and turn until 1:15am!!! AND, today is my super early day for work, so I had to be up at 5:15. GRRRR!!! I used to be such a good sleeper!
Anyways, I hate when I feel this way. I hate when I doubt our ability to succeed at this. I hate it when my emotions cause me to feel distant from MBL. I hate feeling like I am somehow unworthy of a BFP. I hate being jealous of other people!!! I feel like because our first IVF failed, we have no shot on our second. I just feel broken. And exhausted (emotionally and physically). I am ready to be off this rollercoaster. If all y'all could just send me good thoughts and prayers that one week from today will be OUR day....that our first IUI post surgery will be the one, I would appreciate it!