Wednesday, May 12, 2010

feeling anxious

So, I don't know if it is the Clo.mid or just the fact that we are nearing the three months post surgery for MBL, but I have been feeling anxious. Like really anxious. My heartrate is up like all the time and if I bit my fingernails, I'm sure they be nubbins by now. What is making me anxious? The expectancy. My hopes are about to go up and I'm scared of that. After taking the last few months to just relax and try on our own, the fact that we are headed back in to assisted cycles just plain old scares me. I get scared that nothing will happen and I just don't know if I could handle that. The next two months will be Clo.mid/IUI cycles and then we'll likely take July off and head in to IVF in August (IF we don't get pregnant on our IUI cycles). I've been checking out infertility books at the library again and I don't know if it is helping or hurting.

Part of why I am feeling anxious is because there is a limited amount of money that we have available to spend on another cycle (again, if we have to do IVF). If the cycle doesn't work, there will be more waiting and after 16 straight months of negative tests, I'm just tired of the same old story. But maybe you all could help ease some of my anxiety? You see part my anxiousness is related to our potential clinic choice for our next cycle. We went with a local clinic for our first cycle, but since then I have been researching clinics and I recently came across one that offers up to TWO cycles for the price that our local clinic charges for one. The dilemma? Well, our local clinic boasts a 53.6% live birth rate per transfer. A fairly decent and respectable number. The other clinic has a 41.7% live birth rate per transfer (still not terrible, but not awesome, either). So, there is a near 12% success rate difference between the two clinics. What I keep asking myself is, what do those numbers mean for us? Our primary problem has been MBL. After his varicocele was found, we learned that any sperm he had prior to getting it fixed had likely been damaged by the heat it caused. So, despite our current RE's postulation that it MIGHT be my eggs, our urologist felt it was the bad sperm that caused our first IVF to fail. I have open tubes, regular cycles, and a clear, open, normal uterus. And, I am 24. So if our main problem is just getting the now good sperm to meet my egg(s), then would it really matter where we went to have IVF?

Like I said, the clinic offering up to two cycles and our local clinic are the same price. The only differenc is that at the other clinic, if we don't get pregnant after our IVF, we will still have another cycle paid to use. If we went local and didn't get pregnant again, we would have to wait and save up again. UGH. Do people really get pregnant for free??? What I am really hoping is that a miracle will occur and MBL's work will offer infertility coverage beginning in July and then we won't have to worry about this. But, since I don't see any pigs flying, I'm not counting on that.

So, ladies, what would you do? Go local? Or, go with the two cycle clinic?

Honest, helpful opinions, please!! And, thanks, in advance, for your input!


  1. Ugh....I'm not sure, honestly. 2 for 1 is good, and since your girly parts are quite healthy, I'd shoot for that. I think....What will be covered with MBL's insurance, exactly? That could alter your decision as well, I'm assuming. You are probably a great candidate at your age and with the health of all parts.....

  2. hmm, i see why you're in a pickle about this. in your shoes, i would personally go with the better clinic. do you know why the success rates are so different? is the lower success rate for one of the clinics bc they take on harder cases?? i'm pissed at myself for not doing enough research and just going with the clinic that my friend recommended the first time around. for #2, i'm going to cornell, which is supposed to be the best in ny. i know the 2-for-1 offer sounds compelling, but i don't think you can make a decision until you find out *why* the success rates are so different. is the lab for one of the clinics much better? the dr's? their methods?

    goodluck with whichever decision you end up making. this one is tough. sending you *hugs*.

  3. Hm, well I think I would ask questions as to way their success rate is what it is. Do they only take on "easy" cases, etc. And then I would probably go for the 2 for the price of 1 clinic. After my first IVF my doctor was able to change some things that helped and my second IVF was successful. Good luck with whatever you decide. The good thing is that you are in great health and the success rates aren't a drastic difference.