we're the underdogs.

I meant to get on and write yesterday, but I was still struggling through my emotions. I'm not going to beat around the bush, when we went in for our five day transfer, we were told there was only one embryo still growing. One. Out of 12 eggs and 8 embryos, one was left on day five. This was not the news we were expecting.

Now that I have that out on the table, I'll back up. All weekend I was so nervous that they were going to call and tell me all my embryos were dead. When it passed 3:00pm on Saturday, I knew that meant there were still enough growing to warrant a five day transfer. I slept fitfully Sunday night, anticipating the worst, but hoping for the best. It stings to think of it now, but on our way to the clinic, MBL was telling me that he wanted the doc to put back three embryos. We were so hopeful. We got there 15 minutes ahead of our scheduled transfer time... Unfortunately, they were running behind so I had to wait more than 45 minutes with a painfully full bladder. We got into the transfer room and they got everything set up. The doctor then came in and gave us the news that we had one embryo still going and that was it. Apparently MBL saw him with the embryo picture before I did and wondered why there was only one. I, on the other hand, was completely blindsided. I could barely listen to or focus on anything the doctor said/asked from then on. One?

We asked about how the embryos had appeared on day three and he said all eight were still alive. They were at various stages of development, but they all still looked good. If they hadn't, he said, they would have had me come in that day. He said it was abnormal to have such a large drop off between day three and day five, that they expect to lose about half during that time. We lost seven out of eight. But, he went on to say that our one remaining embryo was still growing and had beat out all the other to make it that far, so he thought that was a great sign. He told us he thought it would go all the way.

I cried in the recovery room. Nurse Sue walked in and saw the tears streaming down my face and tried so hard to comfort me. She told me it looked like a great embryo and that she was certain I should be nothing but excited. I continued to quietly cry some more and MBL was just so sweet. He kept rubbing my hand and telling me it was okay. I'm tearing up just thinking about it. He kept looking at that lone embryo with such enthusiasm. He kept saying how cool it looked and how excited he was. After an hour of laying down, I was finally able to use the bathroom and we headed back to my parents' house. I did some googling on the way home and found some reassuring news. I discovered that for our transfer with Piper, there was basically only one embryo that stood a chance at making a baby (our 6 cell). So, I am trying to look at it as if that time we only transferred one last time as well :). IF we had gone into the transfer with two embryos, our chances of success would have been around 70-75%. Since we had just the one left, our chances are slightly decreased, but not by much. We are looking at a 50-65% chance of success. And what I keep trying to tell myself, is that at my age (26), the "guidelines" suggest transferring only one embryo on day five. So, really, we should be spot on.

I'm not going to lie, I'm sick and tired of getting disappointing news. MBL and I have been through a lot and I'm just kind of exhausted. That being said, I am still doing my best to remain positive. I don't think our odds were any better last time and we ended up with the most perfect little girl. So, here's hoping we get the same POSITIVE results ;).

Have you ever been put in an underdog type of situation and come out on top?