Thursday, July 8, 2010

surprisingly unfazed

So, they ran my blood again to get an HCG number at it came back at 5 at 12dpo. At first I thought, "Betas have to start somewhere, right?" Then we went back for another test at 14dpo and it was at the same level. When I spoke with the nurse from our clinic all she said is anything under 10 is considered negative by the lab. I asked her why I would have anything over 2 in my system if I hadn't taken a trigger shot and why would my temps be so high if nothing had happened? She asked if I was on progesterone (I'm not) and then said that it's possible something happened and to call them in a week if I hadn't gotten AF. Well, this morning my temp went down and I just *feel* AF coming. I think I'm relieved. Rather than continuing to wait and see I feel like I now have my answer. My theory as to what happened? I think that this was a chemical pregnancy. Most tests were darkest on Sunday, so I'm guessing that's when my HCG was highest. All were lighter, except for the Answer, on Monday when I had my blood draw. It's nice to know that my egg can actually meet DH's sperm even if it didn't result in a pregnancy. It's a relief. In our 18 months of TTC I have never had anything higher than a 2 on my beta test and I have never gotten a positive home test, so it was nice to see it could (sort of) happen.

The good news? I feel totally at peace with our next steps. We have decided to go forward with the shared risk program at our new clinic. It will involve a few more trips to the clinic and $6,000 more dollars, but it guarantees a take home baby or an 80% refund. One cycle at our new clinic would cost right around $10,000 and the shared risk costs $16,000 and allows for 3 fresh cycles and as many frozen cycles as it takes to get a take home baby. If something happens to the baby during the pregnancy at any point, we get to do another cycle at little cost to us (just the meds). It's a piece of mind that I feel will be invaluable. We may end up getting pregnant on the first cycle and will have then spent $6,0000 more than we would have on one cycle, but at this point, we need the security of added cycles if we need them and the guarantee of a baby in our arms. I now see our infertility journey as something I will overcome. There is absolutely no reason why I shouldn't be able to get pregnant after 3 more fresh IVF cycles, so I truly believe that I will get to experience pregnancy, birth, and motherhood in the next year or so. And one of the best parts for me is that the likelihood of me not being a mom by my 26th birthday (October 2011) is slim. I think I am excited to go down this route and to finally be taking big steps towards our dream of being parents.

10 comments:

  1. You're handling this so well. I'm sorry that you've had to go through all of this though (am I/aren't I?).

    It sounds like you have a great plan in place to move forward.

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  2. I was thinking about you today since I hadn't heard yesterday. Although the doctors view anything less thn 10 a negative...at least you know that SOMETHING happened. Like you said, sperm met egg and that is more than has happened yet! Praying for you guys and I can't wait to hear your good news soon.

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  3. I had been stalking waiting to see what happened...I'm sorry it wasn't a pregnancy, but you are handling it so well! I think its important to know that things can happen, so perhaps it was a little blessing in disguise in a weird sort of way. Sending you prayers and hugs!!

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  4. Wow, I am so sorry. I went through what could have been a chemical pregnancy a couple of months ago, and it was a little rough. You are handling this so well! It sounds like you have a great plan moving forward and I can't wait to follow along as you go through with it. Sending hugs and positive thoughts for everything ahead.

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  5. You are surprisingly chill....color me impressed! I kinda wish we had the funds to do something like a shared risk thing....though I don't think our clinic does them. But we don't. So, we've got our one shot. I'm excited for you....you've got a guarantee of sorts...that's got to feel good. HUGS

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  6. I'm glad your feeling so positive.
    We are also doing the shared risk program.. currently trying to secure the funds before we sign the contract. Ours is 26k for 3 fresh & 3 frozen with 70% back if no live baby.
    I have to agree, even if it works the first time.. the peace of mind is 100% worth it.

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  7. I am so sorry.But I am glad that you feel at peace with your next decision. We also purchased a package of IVF cycles instead of paying for one by one and I'm so glad that we did. We got pregnant on the 2nd cycle and it was so nice to know after our first failed one that we still had a couple of more tries. It was great to have that peace of mind. But hoping you get pregnant on your first try!! :)

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  8. You do sound relaxed, determined and grounded. I know it can change at any moment - as I often experience. Your plan sounds good! When will you begin your next IVF cycle? Your shared-risk program sounds great. Best of luck

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  9. I am so sorry! But I also believe that you will have your baby in the next year... if this could happen without IVF, I'd say your chances on IVF are pretty great. I can't wait to hear your news... waiting in anticipation for your sticky baby - and praying for you. :-)

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  10. I'm sorry that the beta ended up so low. I was really hoping for a positive beta for you. You are handling this so well, but you have a plan and plans help out soooo much. Best of luck with IVF !!

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