and then the unthinkable happened

So, I'm going to say this right off the bat so that you all are prepared...I am a crazy person. No, I don't have a mental illness that can be diagnosed by the DSM IV, but if infertility has done anything to me it has turned me into an unpredictable mess and sometimes I am an unpredictable crazy mess. You should all send some sympathy to MBL for putting up with me!

So, I decided to start "testing" on Saturday-10dpo. I bought a bunch of internet cheapies and I figured I could just start with those and if I saw something then I had ONE FRER. I tested Saturday morning and thought it was a BFN, threw it in the cupboard and forgot about it. Saturday night the crazy in me caused me to pee on another internet cheapie and after about three minutes there was a a definite line on the pregnant side. So, I pulled out the one from that morning and it too had a shadow of a line on the pregnant side. I thought, huh, that's odd. I've peed on these a bajillion times and never had this happen. I've actually peed on them, saw the BFN, stared at it upside down and sideways, thrown it away, pulled it out two days later, and have NEVER seen a line on the pregnant side (even after literally days). So, I not so patiently waited until Sunday morning and took the FRER. Light positive and my internet cheapie from that morning also showed a pink line. So, I went to the grocery store on my way to work and picked up three different brands (Answer, FRER, and Clear.blue). I peed on an Answer, an internet cheapie, and a Clear.blue at lunch. All showed lines. I thought, "Holy crap, I might actually be preg!" I peed on a FRER and another internet cheapie when I got home (again, crazy here) and, again, lines!!! So, I tried to hold it together, but my mind was racing with the possibilities. We went to my in-laws for lunch/dinner and I kept my cool and managed not to spill the beans to MBL. When we got home and before we went to fireworks, I told him that there was a possibility I might be preggo and he said, "I thought so, you were being really weird." So much for surprise. I peed on another internet cheapie before I went to bed last night and the line was thick and pink and clearly visible, but somehow that didn't put my infertile mind at ease.

To make a long story shorter, I tested again today and all internet cheapies were positive and my Answer Early still had a thin, light pink line. So, then, because I only got 3 hours of sleep last night (that's what happens when you think you have a positive after 1 year and 6 months!), I decided that I *must* know today what my bloodwork says. After calling all my doctors and the hospital lab, we called the emergency line at my primary care and told her that while it was not a true emergency, it sure felt like one to us. So, she put in an order for a qualitative HCG test. I wanted a quantitative, but whatev, I thought, she'll still be able to see the number. She called MBL less than two hours later and told her it was negative and that she did not know what my number was because the qualitative test just gives a yes or no. Thirty minutes and a fit of crying at work later, I decided to google positive home test, negative blood test and it turns out depending on the sensitivity of the qualitative test, my home test could be more sensitive and accurate. So, I called the lab (because I was feeling brazen) and asked the kid who answered and he informed me that their sensitivity for that test was 25. So, if my blood has 24iu or less of HCG, it would give me a negative result...even if there is HCG present. AGH!!! So, now I have to wait and cross my fingers and pray that tomorrow my HCG shows that there is some level of it in my system.

I should note that I have never had a positive test in my life, except when there was a trigger shot in my system and I did not take a trigger shot this month. I should also note that my BBT has been the highest it has ever been. Do I dare hope? Bloggy friends if you could cross your fingers, say a prayer, or send good thoughts my way for a positive QUANTITATIVE test tomorrow, I would appreciate it.

p.s. all this drama is exhausting!