Friday, December 30, 2011

a new year.

I have to admit, I'm sad to see 2011 go. This year has been one of the best years of my life and I'm a little bit scared about what 2012 will bring. I knew 2011 would be good because I started the year off preggo. I knew that 2011 wouldn't be filled with crying in the bathroom over AF and failed cycles. Instead, I knew that it would bring us our daughter and the joys of parenthood. And bring that, it did. I can look back at 2011 and see all the good the year brought. I can't say the same for 2009 or 2010. Now that I am staring at the start of 2012, I find myself anxious.

What am I anxious about? Seeing this:

I hate negative pregnancy tests. HATE. One single, negative pee stick can bring all the emotions of TTC and IF flooding back to the front of my mind. And despite the fact that I did (eventually) get a pee stick to come up positive, that experience was not enough to erase the 21 months of crying over AF's arrival and the one freaking line I saw over and over again. Not to be dramatic, but a negative pregnancy test seriously has the power to break my heart.

As silly as it sounds, I am afraid of seeing those tests again. I really hate infertility and the pain that comes along with it.

That being said, the good thing about our journey of TTC #2 is that we have goals in mind and a definite end point. After our last appointment with our RE, it was made very clear to us that we do not have all the time in the world to try the old fashioned way. So, after talking about it, MBL and I decided that we would try naturally until May and then proceed with IVF. We probably won't do any IUIs this time as they only slightly increase our chances of getting pregnant and we want to put all of our money towards IVF (rather than spending $300-$500 a month hoping an IUI will work). We definitely didn't think we would be considering IVF again, but we are happy that we know the drill and that we will be able to positively use our time naturally TTC.

What do I mean by that? The fact that we are waiting until May to do IVF again means that we can use the interim to reach some of our goals. As cliche as it is to say we are beginning the new year with new goals, that is exactly what we are going to do. So, what are my goals in the next five months?

1. Keep tracking Points Plus. I have been mostly good about this since I purchased a $1.99 app for my phone. And now that I am totally weaned off of Zol.oft, I have noticed that I am losing a bit of weight. I (finally) saw a number I haven't seen since last summer. Granted, it was only 1 pound less than where I had been hovering, but I'm happy to see the number going DOWN.
2. In addition to being responsible with my food intake, I want to keep running. My sister and I are planning on running a 25k (15.5 miles) in May and I want to be in good shape to do that. We actually ran three times over Christmas together and it felt AWESOME to keep up on my running and I discovered I actually enjoy running with other people :).
3. MBL and I need to get our budget on track. This goal bums me out because I know that I have been irresponsible with spending in the past and I really don't like it when I'm in the wrong. We currently don't have a budget and this is a serious problem. I want to be held accountable for my spending and I want to cut out extraneous expenses. To get a kick start on this goal, I checked this book out of the library and I'm hoping it will get me geeked about budgeting.

Those are our top priorities for the new year and I am thinking they are totally attainable and simple goals. I have additional goals for the future, but, right now, they have to take a back burner to the three listed above. But, I'll share them anyways :). Here are some things I want for the future:

After saying for years that I would never drive a minivan, I have serious car envy over all my friends who have one. Turns out, I was a fool to think I didn't want one.

No, I do not want twins (although, I would take them gladly). What I really want is two more babies. Most people don't have to worry about not reaching the ideal size of their family, but we do. And I am praying with all my might that we are able to have two more.

Finally, I want a nice camera. MBL has bemoaned our lack of one for years, but it was only after using my sister's camera at Christmas that I realized what we are missing by not having one!! Holy pete, those things can take awesome shots!

What are your goals for the new year? Are you excited to ring in 2012?

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