a life changing appointment

So, this morning MBL and I got up early(ish) and headed to our Chic.ago based RE. We were going there to talk about our last IVF cycle and get an idea of how long he thought we should TTC naturally before heading to IVF again. I appreciate him as a doctor because he is caring but honest to the core. I knew that he would give us a realistic picture of our fertility timeline. I guess he kind of thought it was funny that we were there to just chat about our successful cycle and spent the first five minutes trying to clarify why we were there. When it comes down to it, we went because I had the inkling that there might be more to our IF equation than male factor. I didn't want to admit it, but I was beginning to wonder if I played a role in our IF troubles.

Our appointment was mostly uneventful, we talked about how much we like being parents and how we want to do it again ASAP, then we moved onto our chances of conceiving naturally (he says about 5-15% over a year). Then, I finally asked about my fertility and whether or not the fact that I had low(ish) AMH a year and a half ago and less than amazing results from stimulation meant that I might not really have the fertility of an average 26 year old. He said that I probably don't have as good of ovarian reserve as other women my age, but I got the best results possible from IVF: a take home baby. He then also confirmed my suspicions by saying that it is likely I will go through menopause early. He said I won't go through it in my 20's, but he would guess I would start between 38-44. That's early, but not a significant problem for us as I am 26, making the low end of his guesstimation still 12 years away. Keeping that in mind, he agreed that we should redraw my labs on day 3 of my next cycle and do an ultrasound immediately to look at my antral follicle count. As we were leaving his office (to head to ultrasound), we were joking about having twins on our next cycle. And then things got interesting....

I settled myself in the stirrups and got ready for my first encounter with wandy since September of last year. The nurse had the screen turned away from me, but MBL could see what was going on. First she measured my uterine lining and mentioned that it looks like I either just ovulated or will ovulate in the next few days (yay!). She then went over to the right ovary and counted the follicles she could see and came up with 8. She also told me that my dominant follicle is on that side. She then moved over to the left and suddenly looked very concerned. After a few seconds she told me she measured 3 follicles on the left. NOT what I was expecting to hear. I had a total of 11 follicles. NOT GOOD. A year ago, I had 27. In a year and a half, my count has dropped by 16!! That's bad. I just kept telling MBL that the results were not good and the nurse just agreed with me, but she said that it was good I didn't wait to come back for #2. She said that I might not have had many options if I had waited to come back when I was 30. Wow. MBL and I went into the appointment thinking we were going to have months of TTC naturally with some IUIs thrown in there and then (hopefully) a BFP. We were hoping to avoid IVF. We left planning on returning in the next few months for our next IVF cycle. If we want two more babies, we need to get going. I may be biologically 26, but my body thinks it's already in it's thirties...

Basically, I feel like my world has been turned upside down and I'm still trying to process it all...