Tuesday, February 26, 2013
planning for our future...
This post could also be titled "why my husband thinks I'm a total nut." The hubs has been traveling A LOT for work. This means that the only time I really get to talk to him is on the weekends when he is home. This can be very challenging as he has ADHD (like for real) and gets easily distracted by just about anything around him. So, when we had 4 hours in the car together on Saturday, I decided to take advantage and talk to him about everything I had been thinking about. One of the biggest things I wanted to discuss is our future plans for more children. 29 weeks pregnant and already thinking about what will come next...
When we finally got pregnant and stayed pregnant with Piper, we knew we wanted more kids and were totally open to pursuing fertility treatments again. Piper was an easy baby and once I got passed the initial mind numbing exhaustion, we set up a timeline for when we would try again. My OB said not to get pregnant before Piper was 6 months old. I weaned Piper right around 6 months and we went back to our RE the next month. I was told that my AMH and AFC both suggest declining fertility and that we really shouldn't take the wait and see approach. We took that advice to heart and pursued 2 IUIs and an IVF before taking a break from treatments. Then we flew to CC.RM and my "diagnosis" was confirmed--I don't have the fertility of a 20 something! And then we got pregnant. Without treatments.
To be honest, after having Piper, I was TERRIFIED that I would never get to be pregnant again. I LOVED being pregnant (for the most part) and just couldn't imagine that I would only get to do it once. I actually spent a lot of last spring reminiscing about where I had been the year prior (very pregnant). And then I finally got back into running more seriously and it was awesome having a body that was all mine. The fact that I started being able to fit back into size 6 or 8 pants didn't hurt either. After years of fertility treatments, I was able to feel good about myself. It was hard to imagine having to go through treatments and pregnancy again. I was getting up at 7am on Saturdays to run 10 miles for fun, something I couldn't do while taking shots and transferring embryos. And I just felt good both mentally and physically. Such a stark contrast from how fertility medications make me feel (fat, cranky, and bloated). Due to how I got pregnant this time around, I felt a lot more confident about letting go of the anxieties I had with Piper. I mean, I had run 10 miles the day before I got my positive test... If that didn't "shake" the embryo off, then why would it once I had rising betas and good ultrasounds? I'm 29 weeks pregnant and still running 15-20 miles a week. And it's made a huge difference! I have hardly gotten sick despite MBL and Piper taking turns with head colds and I still have loads of energy!
How does this relate to what our plans for the future are? Well, the fact that I know now how different a "natural" pregnancy and an ART achieved pregnancy look and feel like, I'm just not sure that I ever want to pursue IVF again. And, yes, something in our minds has totally changed now that we know it's possible to get pregnant on our own. I brought this up to MBL during our driving time on Saturday and he is totally against ever doing IVF again. I think the biggest deterrent for him is the cost, but also the fact that he thinks that because we've gotten pregnant on our own once, we should be able to do so again. I wanted to talk about this now so that he knows my expectations for the future. And those are that I want #3. I know this sounds so very greedy, but I always knew I wouldn't want to stop at 2. I also know that I want to be done having babies by the time MBL is 40, which is in 4 years. I told MBL that the bottom line is that I want to "pursue" having a third child. I may even want a fourth child, but all I wanted was a verbal agreement that he will be open to doing clomi.d/IUIs, if needed, in order to get pregnant with #3. I also added that if we somehow got IF coverage, then I may even want to consider IVF again if all other options had been exhausted. He mumbled something that sounded like "maybe".
So, that's our plan. No more IVF for us. I'm planning on BFing this little one until he's at least 6 months and at that point I may wean so that we can start trying again (I don't ovulate while nursing). Or, I may decide that I like fitting in my pants a little too much and that waiting to ride the TTC rollercoaster again is a better option for our family. I'm pretty sure that there is at least clo.mid in my future, but I guess we'll see!
How do you think you'll know that you're "done" growing your family?
Did you ever reach a point where you felt done pursuing fertility treatments?
Do you feel like you are on a timeline at all?