I had a snow day again last Friday which meant a three day weekend for me! It could not have come at a better time as it allowed me to get a ton done around the house as well as eek in a 5 mile run. It also allowed me to have some much needed time with Piper. We took Valentine's Day pictures and had a lot of fun playing (until after her nap when she decided to be a needy, needy grouch pants, but I digress...). Spending that time with her really got me thinking about all it took to bring her here. All of a sudden I was flashing back to my days of clo.mid induced hysteria where I would just cry and cry over my fear of never being able to have babies. Or rather, my fear of never becoming a parent.
When I think back to when we were in the midst of months of medications and treatments and surgeries, I'm more than a little impressed that we survived it all. I think of going through IUI and IVF cycles. Needing to constantly drive across town for blood tests and ultrasounds, praying that whatever we were doing differently that cycle would be the key to getting pregnant. We would stare at the follicles on the screen and be so filled with hope. Surely with 2-3 follicles we would get pregnant! Surely with 17 eggs retrieved we would get pregnant! We faced so many BFNs, so many failed cycles. I knew I wanted to experience pregnancy, but I never was 100% sure that it would actually happen for us. I remember being 9 months pregnant and contemplating peeing on a pregnancy test just to see those 2 pink lines again. I wasn't sure that I would ever get to be pregnant again and I wanted the positive test to be mine one last time. Waiting on those pink lines was something I had done for so long that even when I was literally on the verge of giving birth, I still found it hard to believe that it had actually happened for us.
But here's the one thing I know to be true above all else from our infertility journey: Piper is the best thing I ever pursued. Last night I went to put her down for bed and we have a ritual of me singing to her and rocking her for 2-3 minutes before tucking her in. And as I stood there swaying back and forth, with her arms tightly around my neck and her legs swung over the sides of my burgeoning belly, I was overwhelmed with gratitude. Becoming parents was not an easy task for us, but I am so glad we persevered and pursued this incredible journey. I tell MBL near daily that Piper is the best part of every day and she really is. Despite the tantrums and messes and chaos that having a small child creates, being a parent is the most incredible thing I've ever done.
I mean just look at this little cutie:
I'm beyond thankful for that little girl!
If you went through IF, did you struggle to believe that it would ever happen for you? Did you ever want to "give up"? What helped you keep going?
What an absolutely beautiful post...and what a darling girl you have. I'm so glad to have found your blog, and this post was a great introduction to your story. I nearly peed on a pregnancy test when I was pregnant too, for the very same reason. Blessings on your pregnancy.
ReplyDeleteLook at that little girl! So adorable :)
ReplyDeleteSuch a great post - you need to share this with Piper when she's older. She will love to hear that she is the best thing you ever set your mind to.