Wednesday, January 16, 2013

where my babies came from...

I am writing this post as a part of the PAIL monthly theme post.  The topic for this month is "where do babies come from?" 

I've got to say that I'm pretty excited to be writing about this topic as it's something I've given a lot of thought to.  To be honest, when we were TTC Piper, I didn't put a whole lot of thought into whether or not HOW she came into this world would impact her.  I never planned on keeping it a secret, but I also didn't go into fits of panic worrying about whether or not this would harm her psychologically.  The truth is, that as a Psych major with an MA in Counseling, I don't really think that her conception will play a huge role in her mental well being.  Piper was made in a petri dish.  So what?  Actually, when I was pregnant, Mel highlighted a book all about ART.  When I saw it I knew I wanted to have it to read to our daughter:

I cried as I read the pages.  Creating Piper was an incredible process.  I didn't just walk into a doctor's office alone and walk out pregnant.  MBL and I went through months of treatment, months of heartache and through it all we stood by each other.  The process of getting pregnant was very emotional and it definitely brought us closer together.  My husband gave me most of my shots and came to each and every one of my appointments, even if it was just a follicle ultrasound or blood work.  He was there to hold my hand.  I look back now and realize that it really was a beautiful process.  When we got the call that we were finally pregnant, we were both elated!!  After 21 months our dreams of building our family were going to come true.  When we were preparing for labor/childbirth, I knew that MBL was going to be an awesome support for me because he had already seen me through needles, blood work, IVF retrieval, IVF transfer, 20 BFNs, and rounds and rounds of medication.  I knew that because of what we went through both emotionally and physically to get pregnant, that actually having the baby would be a walk in the park.  I mean at least we knew that the pain could only last so long!!  (unlike IF where it feels like the pain might just last forever).  I boldly share Piper's story because I am PROUD of what we went through.  We were suffering from the disease of infertility and we overcame it.  We desperately wanted to add a child to our family and IVF allowed us to make that dream a reality.  So, yes, MBL and I plan on explaining to Piper just how she came to be.  Mommy and Daddy wanted a baby and a nice doctor with gray hair helped them have YOU!  How special for her that she was so wanted, so loved even before we knew who she was! 

As for her brother?  His story won't be near as exciting.  He wasn't made in a petri dish and it didn't take any special medication to make him.  He is absolutely wanted and already loved beyond words, but I think Piper's story seems a lot more special.  Hopefully he doesn't get a complex about being "homegrown".

I do think that the stories about our children's creation will help them have a better understanding of how families are built and hopefully allow them to be open-minded, thoughtful people.  They will learn that families come in all shapes and sizes and are built in many different ways and that's a BEAUTIFUL thing!  I'm glad that our journey, our story will help them gain that important life lesson.

How do you plan on answering the question "where do babies come from?", even if all of yours are homegrown?  If you used ART or adopted your children, do you plan on sharing that specific story with them?  If so, how?


  1. What a great question! I love the story for Piper - it's similar to a post I wrote early on, discussing how blessed I feel to be a part of creating so many families whose children were wanted so much that they turned to DE.

    As for Little K, we started with a simply "Mommy had the egg, Daddy had the seed. We put them together and a baby was made!" Things have gotten more techinical since then and I have significantly more grey hair because of her questions!

  2. I've never seen that book before! So cool - I need to read it. I like the approach you are thinking about with both of your kids - they both have such unique, special stories... no wonder both will feel as though they were so completely wanted and loved before they even came to be. Thanks for sharing your ideas on this post!

  3. I've wondered if there will be a difference in how children were conceived in the same family. One from ART and one natural. Will there be some sort of difference in how the children perceive their existence? As I only have one child and if we get to have a second, it will most likely be from the same IVF retrieval, this isn't something I think I will have to confront. I guess having a counselor background helps quite a bit :)