Thursday, January 10, 2013

letting go

When I heard at 18 weeks that my little bubs had low fluid I just about went off the deep end.  I dreaded every day and felt like I would never get to a point where I would be able to enjoy this pregnancy again.  When it was further confirmed at 19 weeks I pretty much said good-bye to the idea that I would get to walk around like a big, ole happy preggo.  All I could picture was spending the rest of my days lying in bed or sitting in chair wishing the days away.  Oh, and I definitely pictured the scale just climbing higher and higher as all my muscles atrophied from lack of movement.  In case you couldn't tell, I can be a bit of a drama pants.

I started letting go of my fears when MBL and I set out on our holiday break.  I made up my mind to take it as easy as possible, but not stress out over spending long(er) periods of time on my feet.  I would sit when the opportunity arose, drink as much as possible, and just pray that everything I was doing would make a difference.  I played with Piper, went on walks with my mom, and managed to stop fretting about the situation.  I was feeling baby boy move more and I knew that fetal movement was usually a good sign, so that helped ease my mind.  Every time I went on a walk or did more than I thought I should, I would follow it up with a water bottle or two of water and some time on my rear end. I also started taking baby aspirin and tried my darndest to sleep only on my left side, but I also allowed myself to roll over to my other side if it got too uncomfortable.  I was doing all I could to help things, but not going overboard.  When I got the news at our level II that my fluid was back in the normal range, it made me feel so good.  Normally, I would love the idea of getting ultrasounds all the time (I just love seeing my little guy), but once it seemed like I might actually make it into the high risk category, I realized just how scary that was and that an ultrasound every 2-3 weeks was hardly consolation for all of the stress of having a pregnancy complication.  I have another ultrasound scheduled for today and I will probably request a follow up for 3 weeks from now, but after that, I don't really want another one until I'm in labor (MBL has requested I have one upon arrival at the hospital--he's so afraid the baby will be breech again and we won't know it!).

I've managed to let go more and more since getting the all clear from the MFM.  I figure he sees all the really scary cases and he's old enough to know what's really going to be a problem, so if he thinks I'm fine, then I'm probably fine.  I've been diligently drinking a gallon (or more) a day, but I've also been allowing myself to enjoy coffee and running again.  And I'm a happier person because of it.  Running really is the best therapy for me and I was really becoming a grump without it.  I did amend one of my goals--I had wanted to run a 5k every month of this pregnancy--but, with the fear of falling out on the icy sidewalks, coupled with my need for close bathrooms, I decided to give this one up.  I do hope to continue to exercise until the day I give birth and, ideally, I would like to make it until at least 38 weeks with running, but I'm trying to take the "one day at a time" approach.

So, here's hoping my ultrasound today shows an even more awesome fluid level and a growing baby boy!  If not, I'll just be thankful that I'm so much closer to 24 weeks than I was when I first heard the words "low fluid".


  1. So glad that you're starting to feel more like YOU.

  2. I'm really glad to hear that you're finding a way to enjoy and trust in this pregnancy, and also glad to hear that the doctors think everything is going to be just fine. Take care!

  3. Oh Mama, that has to be so difficult. I'm sorry! But you seem to have a really good attitude about it, and I'm glad you're coping well. Both of my successful pregnancies ended with weeks of bed rest, and if I could ever get pregnant again, I'd just automatically assume it was coming. Blergh. Good luck with the scan and I hope you'll be able to run clear up until labor! :)