Monday, January 14, 2013

the storms of life


My ultrasound last Thursday went wonderfully! We got the profile shots that we weren't able to get at our 18 week scan (due to low fluid) and the reassurance that all looks good. Baby boy was measuring 1lb1oz and my fluid level had risen to 12.4cm. That's an increase of 1cm over the past 2 weeks, which made me really happy! My level is still not perfect, so the doc wants to recheck it at 30 weeks, but I shouldn't have to worry about it too much between now and then. My cervix was also a stellar 5.3 cm! Having a good appointment was such a relief.

While I got to be on the happy side of news, friends of ours were not. One of my best friends from college found out late last week that one of her cousin's 8 month old triplets was on life support. These triplets were the cause of much celebration as they happened naturally after her cousin suffered 3 miscarriages! When my friend texted me the news that they would be stopping life support, I could not stop the tears. What do you say to the news that someone is going to lose a child? I texted back that we would be praying and that I was so sorry for the pain they were experiencing.

This has been on my mind a lot lately. When I got back from Christmas break, I found out one of my coworkers had experienced a 2nd trimester loss, she was due in June. I guess I've just been feeling ultra sensitive to other people's pain, especially as it relates to children/pregnancy. But I'm sure this woman doesn't want to hear how sorry I am about her loss, especially because I am very obviously pregnant. And, again, what do you say to someone who experienced such a difficult loss? There really are no words.

I texted my friend this morning--the one whose cousin lost her 8 month old triplet--and told her I didn't know what to pray for, but that I was praying. She took that to mean I needed some suggestions, but really what I meant was that at times like this, there really isn't anything concrete I can pray for. I don't know that those parents will ever understand why this happened--I mean, what could possibly be the justification for losing a child? And I could pray for peace, but those parents have a right to feel upset and angry, they lost a child! So, I just prayed. Prayed that those surrounding them would refrain from saying anything hurtful. Prayed for the rest of their family (they have 5 other children). It's just so so so hard.

Last night, MBL and I snuck into Piper's room and just stared at her. I was feeling overly emotional about everything and just needed to look at my baby's face. She was sleeping soundly, unaware that her parents were staring at her. I revel in her existence each and every day, but on days when there is particularly hard news to digest, I drink her in a little more than usual. I give her more hugs, more kisses, and tend to go overboard with the squeezing. She's a busy 19 month old, so she gets annoyed with all the holding and smooching, but I do it for me.

I hate that anyone should have to experience such deep and incomprehensible pain. I hate that while some of us are celebrating good news (as we should!), others are aching in such incredible ways.

How do you cope when you receive difficult or heartbreaking news? Do you hug your loved ones a little longer?


  1. Oh no... I'm so sorry to hear of your coworker and the triplet family. I think your prayers for them are just right - protection from people saying hurtful things. Peace and healing, too. That they would be surrounded by people who love them. And to take their pain to the Lord who loves them, who isn't afraid of our anger but tells us to cast all of our cares on Him. Even when those cares aren't pretty.

  2. I am so sorry for the loss of that precious baby. So heartbreaking. And you're right, there just are no words for a time like that. When things like this happen, I shut down a little. I pull my family closer together, hug them more tightly, kiss them more often, and appreciate all the little details about them. I don't want to go out and do things, I just want to stay home with my family and soak them in. Like when that horrible elementary school shooting just happened, I went straight to where my son was in Kindergarten, and paced back and forth waiting for him to get out. I wasn't really worried for his safet... I just needed to have him in my arms. Needed it like I needed to breathe. And that's generally my reaction.