Friday, December 17, 2010

once an infertile...

Always an infertile! It's odd. Here I am 17.5 weeks pregnant and yet I still get nervous about pregnancy announcements. They're hard to hear no matter who makes them. Even though I have (temporarily) beaten the IF monster, I am still very much an infertile. It's part of who I am. Last evening at our small group Christmas party one of my friends announced that her brother and sister in law are pregnant and due in June. Yay? I know this particular friend quite well and have spent a decent amount of time with her family. I know that this sister in law has a long history of putting herself above everyone else in her life. For example? Last year over Christmas she had time off, but her husband did not. They live in Florida, but their family lives in Michigan. So, what did she do? Left her husband home alone over Christmas and New Years so that she could spend the holidays with her family. And the worst part is that they moved to Florida so that she could pursue her dream career! They are always fighting and not in a little tift kind of way, but putting each other down in front of others more times than not. They have a very tumultuous relationship that many have doubted would last. My friend said they decided to try in October and it worked! GAHHHHH!!! That news absolutely drives me insane. And I spent the rest of the night fuming on the inside. I'm sure this makes absolutely no sense to some people, and that's fine, I really can't fully explain why it stirred up such a negative emotion.

The whole fertility game still makes absolutely no sense to me. MBL and I have a great relationship, great jobs, and we always try to think of each other in the decisions we make. We are young, healthy and come from long lines of people who have conceived easily. And yet? It took us 21 months, TWO IVFs, and a butt ton of money to get this baby in my belly. And I know that we are very VERY lucky to be here. I guess I just wish I could make sense of it. Why are some people able to get pregnant from a roll in the hay while others have to go to great lengths for the same result? I guess part of my emotions related to the fertility thing come from the fact that I feel like there is still so much stigma related to infertility. Like somehow the people who get pregnant "naturally" are better than those of us who don't. And feeling that way, knowing that some people actually believe that, makes me incredibly self conscious. And I hate that. I want to break down the stigma related to infertility. Inform people of the real pain associated with it. I want people to see that in nearly all cases, the couples suffering from IF have done absolutely nothing to deserve it. Infertility is like other diseases in that way, most people who get sick have done nothing to warrant their illness. And yet? Some people have a hard time viewing it that way. And that bothers me. Okay, now I'm just going on a tangent...

The basic point of my post? That infertility is sucky and stupid and the stigma of it is also sucky and stupid. The end.

Oh, and this is my 100th post!! YAY!!


  1. I had a whiny moment today because mt feey and legs have rather suddenly swelled badly. A woman at work, who didn't know my story, said to feel lucky because some women can't get pregnant. I snapped and sais I AM that woman and after all we went through, can't I catch a freakin break and have an easy pregnancy??? That kinda shut her up. It doesn't get easier. I hate whoopsie announcements. Hate them. You are so not alone. HUGS.

    Happy 100 posts!

  2. It is true. The stigma is sucky and stupid. Even newly pregnant through IVF, I feel weird about people reacting to how I conceived. And I shouldn't have to feel that way!