Monday, May 28, 2012

the other shoe

I haven't been on here in almost two weeks. The main reason for this is that the pesky other shoe finally dropped. As if our failed IVF wasn't enough, I think we've reached what I hope is rock bottom. I can't and won't go into too many details for a variety of reasons, but it became clear about a week ago that MBL is struggling. It would probably be more accurate to say that he hit rock bottom. All of the stress of his new job and family pressures as well as the financial strain of our medical issues (i.e. IVF), he just kind of reached his breaking point. The good news is he's getting help and is deeply invested in recovery and healing. He's finally being totally honest with me about his emotional struggles and he even admitted (FINALLY) that he has chosen his job over nearly everything else in his life, including his family and his own health. He's been travelling at least a week out of every month and facing tremendous strain as he has tried to balance work, Piper, and our marriage. He basically broke under the weight of it all. This has, obviously, put our whole life into a tailspin. All I really wanted was a minivan full of kids and to stay home with them all. Instead I will have to keep working full time, driving around my (very nice) station wagon/SUV, and put off our IVF cycle. We definitely aren't going to stop TTC, but we are going to put off using medical interventions. We don't have the money for a minivan or IVF, so we need to take some time to save up for those things. And, more importantly, we need to get MBL in a healthy place. Right now, we are hoping that MBL will be able to take FMLA from work and really take the time to set up healthy interventions and coping mechanisms so that this doesn't happen again. As of right now we are taking it moment by moment, day by day. Praying that the only way we have to go from here is up.

6 comments:

  1. Oh sweetie. I am so sorry. That is so unbelievably difficult. I know that we don't know the details, but I don't think we need to. We've all hit rock bottom, and if someone hasn't then they will.... ;) The whole time reading this, I kept thinking back to my most recent rock bottom... and the strength I gained from the story of Esther. "Who knoweth whether thou art come to the kingdom for such an time as this." Too many thoughts to put down... I feel stupid/pushy to put a link to my blog post about it, but it's all I can think of. So here. I hope it helps. And huge *hugs*!!! http://fruitsnacksandfreezerjam.blogspot.com/2011/08/answers-and-encouragement.html

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  2. Sorry to hear what you guys are going through... so hard to see someone we love doing it so hard. Hopefully he's able to take time off and great that he's willing for help - a lot of guys wouldn't. Thinking of you through this difficult time xoxo

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  3. Oh, I'm so sorry to hear this, but I am glad to hear that you are now working on a way through this. I know it must be so hard to have to put IVF on hold but the most important thing now is that MBL gets to a better place and is able to be the best husband to you and dad to Piper and the future LOs. I hope that the FMLA works out, too, so that your stress is lessened a bit. Thinking of you.

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  4. I too am sad to hear about all the frustrations. With all that he's got going on, it's no wonder he's having such a difficult time. :/ I'm so glad he's willing and able to get help now. I wish I could say something that would help, but for now I'll just say that I'm thinking about and praying for you guys and hoping things look "up" soon!

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  5. I am so sad to hear this news. I'm glad you're all finding the care you need, and I hope you find yourselves in a healthy, happy place again soon. I'll be thinking of you.

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  6. Oh, my dear blog friend... i am so very sorry to hear things are rough right now. That is tough - on you, on him, on Piper. I think it's good to take a step back and ensure he feels completely supported and gets all the help and attention he needs. I know you guys will be on track again SOON. And - as for our thoughts of what life "should" look like... well, I think we all create a reality that fits for us. Even though a minivan isn't in the picture right now, the best thing is that you take care of yourself, your hubby, and family. Nothing else matters. I'll be thinking of you, lady! XOXO

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