Tuesday, May 15, 2012
source) That's what my mind is doing a lot of these days. Just spinning and reeling and going back and forth. I've been meaning to post for days, but I've had so much to say/share that I didn't know where to start. Life is crazy busy. Between work and Piper and house care and working out, there is hardly time left at the end of the day to respond to my personal email. I am still reading blogs, but haven't had much time to write a post of my own. And it doesn't help that blogger doesn't open up correctly on my work computer, so I am unable to write/publish posts there (you know, on my lunch hour :). Despite the fact that I'm pretty sure nearly every infertility blog I follow just announced a pregnancy, MBL and I are in the same exact place. The not pregnant place. The ugly crying over another BFN place. I'm on track for a long cycle this month (post failed IVF) as I'm pretty sure I just ovulated on day 22. We went for it and tried naturally this month, but I'm not holding out too much hope. We plan on doing an IUI again next month and I'm still debating whether or not to do clo.mid and injectables or just injectables by themselves. I truly believe that we could conceive via IUI, so we'll just have to see if IUI #3 for baby #2 is the lucky one! As far as an update on where we are with further fertility testing/etc, we got MBL's sperm DNA analysis back and his level was 18%. Normal/excellent fertility potential is 15%, and 15-25% is good/fair/normal fertility potential. So, it looks like that isn't a major hindrance in our quest to have another baby. We also had our post-failed IVF consult with our RE. It was a phone consult due to our geographical differences (we live 4 hours away). I was ready to hear the donor egg speech/suggestion, but he surprised me and said that everything looked good until we got to day five and only had one embie left and even that one embie stood a chance at making a baby. He said my age is a great indicator of my potential and so he doesn't think that donor eggs are necessary unless I prefer someone else's DNA over my own. We talked about the whole three day versus five day thing and we expressed that we might want to do a three day next time as maybe the embies prefer a more "natural" environment. Unsurprisingly, he told us that usually if an embryo fails in the lab it would have never made a baby, but we pointed out that there is no real way to test that (i.e. you can't BOTH test whether the same embryos would develop into a healthy pregnancy from a day three transfer AND see if they would have made it to a blast in the lab) and he essentially agreed. He asked if we would still want to transfer three on day three knowing how hard parenthood is and we gave a wholeheartedly, "YES WE WOULD!!". Piper is an unbelievably easy kid. She goes to bed and sleeps for 12 hours, she adapts to her environment, and she is happy most of the time. Even IF we somehow ended up getting pregnant with triplets from a three embryo transfer on day three, we would be able to handle it because our first kid is so easy. PLUS, we just LOVE being parents. Like LOVE LOVE LOVE it. There is something to be said about having to fight for something you want because I totally treasure being a parent way more than I ever thought possible. I WANT to spend time with my daughter. I treasure every single moment with her and I swear I'm not exaggerating one bit. Especially now that I am a WORKING mom, I treasure those moments even more, even when she is melting down because she got zero naps at daycare. I am amazed at the experience I have been given and plan on doing whatever it takes to be able to do it again. I intended on blogging about Mother's Day on Sunday, but I was too busy sleeping in and enjoying the perfect weather here in Michigan (seriously, it was gorgeous). It was still hard to celebrate a day that is set aside for women that have been able to achieve something that so many others dream of having. Infertility sucks the big one and it still bothers me that so many people ignore the fact that there are a lot of people out there hurting. And even though I have achieved motherhood, the day still stung. We have our precious Piper and she is the light of our lives, but we know we are not done. We want more and fully intend on doing whatever it takes to get there. I keep saying it, but I know it's just a matter of time, I just wish I had a glance into the future to know just how much longer we will have to wait. And just because my mind is still spinning, I'll give a preview of other updates I plan on sharing soon: the VERY generous Mother's Day gift MBL and I received, my found again love for running, balancing TTC with the rest of my life, the guilt I feel for working, losing my desire for genetic connection, and the sacrifices we are making for our family dreams. How are you all doing? How did you handle Mother's Day this year? What is going on in your head?