I feel like I may have been run over. The fatigue is seriously out of this world. I feel terrible for admitting that, but I am exhausted beyond belief and I just can't figure out why. There are a few factors that may be contributing to it, but I'm not quite sure how to pinpoint which one is causing it. And, no, it's probably not the baby. You see my little bundle of joy is sleeping through the night. Yep, she's four weeks old and has gone 6-8 hour stretches for the past week. She actually probably would have done that starting at birth if it weren't for the pesky weight gain problems. I usually go to bed at 9/9:30 and then wake up to pump when MBL feeds her a bottle between 4-5am. That means I am getting 6-7 hours of sleep in a row myself and, then, usually 2-3 more hours after that. I'm up for at least 45 minutes to pump and help MBL with the feeding/diaper changing, but then I am usually able to go right back to bed. With that amount of sleep, why am I so tired? I seriously feel like I am being robbed of these first few precious weeks with Piper because I am a zombie! I felt better for a few days this week, but yesterday and today, OH BOY!
I'm wondering if maybe it's the Regl.an that is making me so tired. One of the side effects is fatigue and another is restlessness... The weird thing is when I get so exhausted, I end up feeling like my hands have restless leg syndrome (if that makes any sense). Another thing I think it might be, and this seems totally crazy (and perhaps a little TMI), but my post partum bleeding has always been light and it stopped late last week. Then all of a sudden in the middle of this week it picked back up and is bright red. I'm wondering if it's PPAF?? Someone posted on my due date board that they felt exhausted because of it and maybe that's why I've been having the hit-by-a-bus feelings? I just wish I could get to the bottom of it because every day when I start feeling this way I want to give up on pumping and I feel TERRIBLE about that! I want to be able to provide Piper with some breastmilk (she gets about 40% BM and 60% formula), but it's draining! Perhaps that's not a good enough reason to give up? Pumping is hard and I wasn't prepared for our feeding issues and the extra work it takes to BOTH bottle feed and pump all day by myself. Maybe that's why I'm tired?
Sorry to be so darn whiney when so many of you would love to be in my shoes. I just wish I was prepared for how tired I am and I wish I had a solution for it. I don't want to walk around like a zombie during these precious months!! I guess part of it too is the fact that most of my friends do not have babies, so I don't have anyone to turn to and see if my feelings are normal and when do they end? It reminds me a lot of when we were going through IF... I felt so alone and confused and wishing there was someone there to tell me it was all going to be okay. BTDT moms, will it all be okay? Will I ever feel rested again? Am I going to be able to enjoy my baby without feeling like I'm going to collapse? Help!