Friday, June 24, 2011

was that a bus?

I feel like I may have been run over. The fatigue is seriously out of this world. I feel terrible for admitting that, but I am exhausted beyond belief and I just can't figure out why. There are a few factors that may be contributing to it, but I'm not quite sure how to pinpoint which one is causing it. And, no, it's probably not the baby. You see my little bundle of joy is sleeping through the night. Yep, she's four weeks old and has gone 6-8 hour stretches for the past week. She actually probably would have done that starting at birth if it weren't for the pesky weight gain problems. I usually go to bed at 9/9:30 and then wake up to pump when MBL feeds her a bottle between 4-5am. That means I am getting 6-7 hours of sleep in a row myself and, then, usually 2-3 more hours after that. I'm up for at least 45 minutes to pump and help MBL with the feeding/diaper changing, but then I am usually able to go right back to bed. With that amount of sleep, why am I so tired? I seriously feel like I am being robbed of these first few precious weeks with Piper because I am a zombie! I felt better for a few days this week, but yesterday and today, OH BOY!

I'm wondering if maybe it's the that is making me so tired. One of the side effects is fatigue and another is restlessness... The weird thing is when I get so exhausted, I end up feeling like my hands have restless leg syndrome (if that makes any sense). Another thing I think it might be, and this seems totally crazy (and perhaps a little TMI), but my post partum bleeding has always been light and it stopped late last week. Then all of a sudden in the middle of this week it picked back up and is bright red. I'm wondering if it's PPAF?? Someone posted on my due date board that they felt exhausted because of it and maybe that's why I've been having the hit-by-a-bus feelings? I just wish I could get to the bottom of it because every day when I start feeling this way I want to give up on pumping and I feel TERRIBLE about that! I want to be able to provide Piper with some breastmilk (she gets about 40% BM and 60% formula), but it's draining! Perhaps that's not a good enough reason to give up? Pumping is hard and I wasn't prepared for our feeding issues and the extra work it takes to BOTH bottle feed and pump all day by myself. Maybe that's why I'm tired?

Sorry to be so darn whiney when so many of you would love to be in my shoes. I just wish I was prepared for how tired I am and I wish I had a solution for it. I don't want to walk around like a zombie during these precious months!! I guess part of it too is the fact that most of my friends do not have babies, so I don't have anyone to turn to and see if my feelings are normal and when do they end? It reminds me a lot of when we were going through IF... I felt so alone and confused and wishing there was someone there to tell me it was all going to be okay. BTDT moms, will it all be okay? Will I ever feel rested again? Am I going to be able to enjoy my baby without feeling like I'm going to collapse? Help!


  1. Okay, first, it is EXHAUSTING to feed and pump. I am terrible about it because I NEED to do other things. Any BM is good for her :-) Second, even though you get a lot of sleep it is still not uninterrupted, and that can affect you. BTW, I would wake up panicking if I got that much straight sleep, LOL. I still rarely get more than 3 hours before he wakes, LOL. Third, don't feel bad. You aren't complaining. You are reporting the facts, and it is part of the journey. It would be odd for AF to be back this quickly with the BF even if it isn't full time. You are a new mom, and exhaustion is normal. Seriously. And your body is still healing. Remember that. Have your iron levels checked, and thyroid...those could both be big culprits PP. Hang in there!

  2. I hate to suggest this, but is it possible that you could be suffering a little bit from PPD? It might be worth talking to your doctor about your exhaustion at your next appointment. It may be nothing, but I'd hate to see it get worse and go unnoticed. (I have a friend who just let it go and she finally was diagnosed with severe PPD after 8 months.)

    Hang in there, sweetie. I'm thinking of you!

  3. Being a mama is exhausting in and of itself. Regardless if you are sleeping or not. PLUS - now that you are a mama, I doubt you are sleeping as deeply. It just happens.

    P.S. I'm JEALOUS of how much sleep you are getting. My boy sleeps 8 hours too, but he goes to bed at 7pm. So I still get up at 3am to feed. :-P

  4. Thanks so much for the advice on how to comment again! I can't believe that's all it took!

    Cate was getting about the same ratio of breastmilk and formula until about 6 or 7 weeks, when I finally started making enough for her. And up until that point, I was beyond exhausted,even though she was sleeping through the night. I think it was just my body over working to try and up milk production. It also helped that there were some feedings that she got straight formula and I pumped and saved the milk for later. It was much less stressful. Don't feel guilty about wanting to stop though. If you're not at your best, she won't be either.

  5. I am really glad you're whiney b/c I am whiney, too. I'm whiney about gaining weight while being pregnant (not sure whta I thought would happen) and I am 100% confident I will be whiney about losing weight after I have a child and about not sleeping. Who can really NOT whine about that???