Sunday, April 21, 2013
When I was pregnant with Piper, I spent my whole entire pregnancy convinced something would go wrong. Convinced that TTC/positive pee sticks/9 months of pregnancy wouldn't actually equal a baby at the end. The only word I can think of to describe how I felt those first few months as a parent is: shock. This time around things have been a lot different. Feeling this little guy's feet and knees and bootsie move and scootch all around in my belly reminds me that there IS indeed a baby in there. I am also more aware of the fact that in all likelihood he will come out and join our family and change our lives in the best way possible.
So, how am I still in denial? Well, despite finding out I was pregnant at 10dpo all the way back in September, I feel like this pregnancy has FLOWN by. I know I didn't always feel this way, especially when I was worried about my fluid levels, but looking back now I feel like the weeks/months were gone in the blink of an eye. Life has been busy and I now sit just 3 weeks away from my due date. THREE WEEKS. I am full term, which means I can give birth at any time. And seeing that I come from a long line of women who tend to give birth BEFORE their due date, I'm a little worried that I'm looking at less than 3 weeks. And I know that I'm not looking at much longer than 3 weeks as I'm a VBACer and won't be "allowed" to go any farther than 1 week overdue.
Tomorrow I will be driving down to my parents' house and I won't be leaving until after baby is born. We're at the point where traveling too far from my delivery hospital just isn't a good idea. And in my head I KNOW this, but I keep thinking that there is no way we are that close to meeting this little guy. People keep asking me if I'm ready and I answer honestly with, "No, actually, he's welcome to bake until at least 39 weeks". What helps is that I'm still feeling fairly comfortable and ever since I got written off of work, I've been better able to manage my migraines. I haven't washed any of his clothes. Heck, I haven't even gone through the bin of clothes my sister gave me (which is all that I have for him). I haven't installed the carseat or started packing my hospital bag. All our 4oz bottles are still in storage. Unlike the first time around where I was sometimes afraid that doing these things would somehow curse the outcome, this time around I am afraid that doing these things might invite him to make his appearance. And considering MBL has to be available for travel until I am 38w5d, it would awesome for me to go into labor sometime during my 39th week.
Even writing that, though, I'm in total denial that 39 weeks is just 2 weeks away. I am super excited to meet our son and see what his little face looks like, but also completely terrified about these 9 months being over. I guess this means that I better spend the next few days taking care of my to do list :).
Have you ever been in denial over a deadline?
Do you have a tendency to procrastinate or are you a go-getter?
If you've given birth/adopted were you totally prepared or caught off guard?