Sunday, April 21, 2013


When I was pregnant with Piper, I spent my whole entire pregnancy convinced something would go wrong.  Convinced that TTC/positive pee sticks/9 months of pregnancy wouldn't actually equal a baby at the end.  The only word I can think of to describe how I felt those first few months as a parent is: shock.  This time around things have been a lot different.  Feeling this little guy's feet and knees and bootsie move and scootch all around in my belly reminds me that there IS indeed a baby in there. I am also more aware of the fact that in all likelihood he will come out and join our family and change our lives in the best way possible.

So, how am I still in denial?  Well, despite finding out I was pregnant at 10dpo all the way back in September, I feel like this pregnancy has FLOWN by.  I know I didn't always feel this way, especially when I was worried about my fluid levels, but looking back now I feel like the weeks/months were gone in the blink of an eye.  Life has been busy and I now sit just 3 weeks away from my due date.  THREE WEEKS.  I am full term, which means I can give birth at any time. And seeing that I come from a long line of women who tend to give birth BEFORE their due date, I'm a little worried that I'm looking at less than 3 weeks.  And I know that I'm not looking at much longer than 3 weeks as I'm a VBACer and won't be "allowed" to go any farther than 1 week overdue.

Tomorrow I will be driving down to my parents' house and I won't be leaving until after baby is born.  We're at the point where traveling too far from my delivery hospital just isn't a good idea.  And in my head I KNOW this, but I keep thinking that there is no way we are that close to meeting this little guy.  People keep asking me if I'm ready and I answer honestly with, "No, actually, he's welcome to bake until at least 39 weeks".  What helps is that I'm still feeling fairly comfortable and ever since I got written off of work, I've been better able to manage my migraines. I haven't washed any of his clothes.  Heck, I haven't even gone through the bin of clothes my sister gave me (which is all that I have for him).  I haven't installed the carseat or started packing my hospital bag.  All our 4oz bottles are still in storage.  Unlike the first time around where I was sometimes afraid that doing these things would somehow curse the outcome, this time around I am afraid that doing these things might invite him to make his appearance.  And considering MBL has to be available for travel until I am 38w5d, it would awesome for me to go into labor sometime during my 39th week.

Even writing that, though, I'm in total denial that 39 weeks is just 2 weeks away.  I am super excited to meet our son and see what his little face looks like, but also completely terrified about these 9 months being over.  I guess this means that I better spend the next few days taking care of my to do list :).

Have you ever been in denial over a deadline?
Do you have a tendency to procrastinate or are you a go-getter?
If you've given birth/adopted were you totally prepared or caught off guard?


  1. I suppose that the good news is that all of that stuff you have to get ready - laundry and the like - will be done by someone else if you don't get around to it before your baby arrives. (-: Plus, I bet you're more prepared than you think you are. So excited for you!

  2. Denial is powerful, no doubt! Praying that you begin to experience peace. And soon!

  3. Congratulations on the imminent arrival of your sweet baby!
    I had to comment that I can so totally identify with your experience of being in denial about being pregnant - and wondering if i would feel the same sense of disconnectedness IF we ever try for another. I have such a vivid memory of them putting a baby on my chest and wondering 'where did THAT come from'?
    It is really nice to read that you are having such a different experience this time around. It reassures me that it can be different.
    Wishing you a burst of energy to get all of the last minute things done and a baby who decides to come at the perfect time!
    xoxo - Foxy

  4. Eeek!! You are so close!! Praying for a smooth healthy delivery for you!