Monday, September 19, 2011

everything that comes to mind...

Sorry for the lack of blog posts. Our busyness has continued into the early fall. My baby sister got married the weekend after Labor Day and because of that we spent four day in Chi.cago. Piper was the flower girl. MBL escorted her down the aisle and it was absolutely precious. We had a blast and when it was time to pack up, we could not believe we had been there for four days! One of the things that has been keeping me from posting here is the fact that I keep thinking of too many things to blog about... So, I am going to make this a bullet point post, that way it won't seem so strange that my topics aren't interrelated.

•I am still pumping. Still doing it three times a day and still only making around 7oz. I actually don’t mind it that much, but if I haven’t gotten PPAF (post partum aunt flow) by the time Piper is six months old, I will stop. The reason for that is that we want to TTC as soon as we can and take advantage of the supposed post-pregnancy fertile time and if I haven’t gotten PPAF by that time, I will need to stop pumping in order to get her to come back.
•Speaking of TTC #2, I’m already worried about how long it will take and if we will even be successful. It’s so silly to worry about it before we even begin, but that doesn’t stop by from doing it! I just want to be able to get pregnant the “easy” way. I don’t want to have to go through all the meds and money again. I know it’s selfish, but I don’t want to try clo.mid again… I’ve just gotten back into running and I can’t do that if I’m on fertility meds. I also do not want multiples… I know that my chances are low on clo.mid and I would surely be happy with whatever success we achieved, but twins would be a lot.
•MBL and I would really love to have 3 kids and I really hate that because we have fertility problems I can’t just assume that we’ll be able to achieve that. We kind of decided that if we need IVF for #2 that’s all we’ll have, but I wonder if I’ll really be able to give up our dream of having three children. Would we try IVF again to get #3? Would I always regret it if I didn’t? IF still sucks.
•I will say, though, that IF has made me really grateful for the gift I have been given. Every day of being a mom isn’t easy, but I really love it and whenever something stressful/disgusting happens I try to think, “I’d rather ¬_____ and have Piper than not have ¬¬¬¬___ and no Piper." For example, the other week Piper pooped all over herself and me. FUN! And while I was mildly grossed out, all I could think is, “I would rather have poop all over me and have Piper than not have poop on me and not have Piper.” All the time I think of those of you who are still waiting… Waiting on adoption papers, waiting to begin IF treatments, or waiting for your BFP (for #1, #2, or whatever number you want!). I am so thankful that I have Piper. It doesn’t erase all the pain of infertility, but it certainly eases it. And because I am aware of the pain of IF, I am thankful every day that I get to be a mom.
•All right, I have to go wake Piper up from her 3.5 hour nap… Poor little pumpkin has her first cold!

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