one step forward.

Yesterday I took a big step. Well, actually big steps. After getting a glance at myself in my skivies Monday evening, I decided that I need to take action and get back into a work out routine. Actually it was more than just the view of myself that caused me to come to the realization that I needed to get back into exercising. Last week I found myself watching quite of bit of tv and basically just sitting on the couch until my left hip fell asleep. That accompanied with my dimpled thighs got me motivated. I went into Tuesday knowing that once I got out of my internship I needed to change into my workout clothes and get back on the proverbial horse. I haven't taken a single step for the purpose of my health since Thanksgiving when I walked a 5k with my family. And before that I hadn't worked out since before my BFP, so I've basically been on a 163 day hiatus. Now in my defense, I haven't been working out because I am so dang scared that doing so will cause something catastrophic to happen like my water to break or contractions to start. Those fears have been the primary reason I have put it off for this long. That and the fact that sometimes sitting on the couch is just so much more enticing than walking or doing one of my two pregnancy workout videos.

I decided that I shouldn't really let those fears keep me from doing something that I know will not only benefit me but also the baby. Everything I have read suggests that working out in pregnancy is not only safe, but also quite beneficial for the birth process and for post baby recovery. And since my pregnancy has been remarkably uneventful I really have no reason to be scared of working out, except for the fact that I am an Infertile and therefore believe that this amazing gift will be taken away from me at any second. You could say I've been holding my breath for the past 6.5 months. Part of my motivation for lacing back up my sneakers was that I wanted to give infertility the one two punch and show it who's boss (me). My return to the treadmill was better than anything I could have expected. I decided from the get go that I would only go as fast as felt comfortable and if anything felt "off" I would get off immediately. With that in mind I hopped on and started walking. I ended up going for 2 miles and I felt awesome. Sure I was a little jittery when I got off, but with all the extra blood I have pumping through my body that's to be expected. Overall, I felt awesome. It felt good to be doing something so healthy! In a lot of ways I felt like my old self again and I realized that I really like that girl.

All that being said, I have to admit that all the jostling definitely caused "stuff" to move around and I had to keep analyzing whether or not what I was feeling was contractions or just gas. Turns out it was the latter. So while I enjoyed the walk, I still spent most of it trying to convince myself that I was not going into labor. Oh, and just to make things more stressful, last night I dreamt that the baby's heart stopped beating. I pulled out the doppler as soon as I woke up and her little heart was just fine. PHEW!! I could do without that nightmare after my next walk...